A PH Story Continued

Part 2 by Eye Shaa Malik

A PH Story Part I

My story continues...

I normally visit my doc once in two weeks for regular checkup but my last worst hospitalization was on 6 April 2014. It left a mark on my mind and it brings tears in my eyes when I recall that day. I've got severe heart arrest at 3 am I was at hostel nobody was there to take me to hospital I was extremely breathless with hell pain in my heart. I was brought to heart center at 8 am next morning (that added to the severity of stretch of heart hole's muscles with insufficient O2 supply) by my roomie, I am thankful to God and then to her for saving my life. I was swooned afterwards and undergoing various treatments like O2, nebulization and injections repeatedly...

I don't know what happened then & when I revived my senses I found myself half-dead still ongoing spate of treatments. My family arrived near 4 pm I evoked my will-power and didn't heed to anyone , my doc said you are not in condition to go ,I insisted but I got breathless again and was brought to another hospital the same evening .... It was a severe jerk that I wasn't able to get up for approx. a 'month' but thanks to some good medical attention & I took my rehab seriously, brought myself to the level of fitness... It was spring and undoubtedly in these 12 years this "Crop-cutting" season aggravates my symptoms. During this turmoil I've written a poem "My scattered breath" that justify how my condition fully cox when you can't breathe nothing else matters!

              

            “My Scattered Breath"

        Night prevails to bring some rest...

        Even the birds flew to their nest...

       To sleep soundly is my quest...

       But being valetudinarian I am arrest...

       Spring's brutal to me ever, yet!

       Can't blame the crops that harvest...

       Once again I'll have to pass it like a test...

        Cox having "PH" is not a jest...

         Lots of fears, if it’s last spring lest!

          Dear lord! Waiting for you to manifest...

          The eternal heal that reveal the zest!

 My focus is to keep myself psychologically healthy. My parents have always told me that you are "RARE" not "SPECIAL" so my "expectation level" for care and affection from others is very low .......I cordially thanks my caregivers and try to return something to them (that can be a smile :)). I think when we are ill we can waste too much energy being mad or being glad about how people are caring for us, when we should be really there caring for others, our illness doesn't exempt from reaching out in fact, I think we are more accountable because we can understand journey better than those who have not yet taken it. I feel like now that I have PH I am aware of every my single breath to thank.  Never in my entire life anyone sympathized me because I never painted a sorry picture of mine and I feel that’s my success . Everyone and I mean each and everyone says this " You don't look like a patient " until unless I tell them that there is something wrong inside , my nails and lips give them a ill bit of clue rarely but I often hide it with some lip and nail colors..

                                                 

One thing for newly diagnosed patients with PH or any other chronic disease... Look! You are a higher, plight till last breathe, yes you are bearing up, but who isn't? In one way or other everyone is the part of any struggle. Never ever give up & keep marching forward. Everyone has to go one day, take your medication & rehab-process seriously, smile for your love ones and get out of dismal outlook and prove the world that you are a "WARRIOR”. Once you adopt things turn easy for you, HAVE A COMPLETE FAITH IN GOD. Keep your mind spiritually positive & patiently wait HE is the best healer, you all definitely be rewarded for this pain. He is aware of your struggle and the midnight sky and the silent stars have been witness of your devotion to freedom and of your heroism.

In Spite of PH

Kevin and Karen poses with some of their parade
walkers after Marietta's notoriously hot and humid Fair Parade.

It’s November and I am fired up. Is it because it’s PH awareness month? Possibly. Is it because I have learned a lesson in my life with PH and I am excited to keep going from here? Maybe. Final question, is it because I feel the last year has taught me something great, and I am burning to share it with the world? Well... it is a combination of all three, really. A year has passed since my first awareness month, and I have learned so much in the last year; talked to so many people; and I hope, helped one or two people along the way.

In January 2013 I decided that I was going to run for office in my hometown. It is something that I have always wanted to do, and I figured “why not now?” I am feeling better than I have in years, and I figured that if nothing else was learned, I would need to keep myself organized for my health, and to keep my PH from getting the better of me. At the end of the campaign though, as I look back at it, I realize I did something else entirely. As my wife, Karen, and I reviewed everything the other night, as we talked to our friends, the campaign volunteers, and the city officials who helped me prepare for my run for office, we came to a startling conclusion that hit us over the heads after my friend and fellow PHer Teresa Hayes stated “You live your life in spite of PH.” That’s when it hit me, she is right. Karen and I didn’t let PH rule us this year like it did last year; We lived our lives in spite of it; we did not let PH guide us, we controlled it, we took this “new normal” and just made it our “normal.” I didn’t let my pulmonary hypertension deter me, or hold me back. I actually used it as a springboard to start the conversation, I used my PH as the motivation to do this, to live this year with purpose and drive, and I didn’t realize I had done it until Teresa made her observation, and until Karen informed me that I had, in fact, done just that. Not at any point in the last year did we let PH deter us. If I had reservations about anything, Karen helped me find a solution that was beneficial to us both. I walked, I talked, I attended every event I could fit into my schedule, and I did it on my terms, in my way, making PH work for me. 

I understand that for every one of us, something may be different, that what works for me or you may not work for someone else, but it is possible to redefine ourselves with PH, and not let PH redefine us, at least not in a negative light. I have heard patients say that they feel different now, that the new normal has changed them. In some regards that’s true. Perhaps it’s a quiet fishing day now instead of a canoe trip on the lake. Perhaps its a relaxing car ride when before it may have been a bicycle ride. But you don’t have to let pulmonary hypertension change YOU; who we are at the core of our beings. That person who laughs; that person who enjoys a good book in the backyard; that person who strives to make their community better, they still exist. The only thing that changes is the means that we use to achieve our ends. You can still do what you want to do, you can still strive for something more than the sum of your parts. We, as chronic patients, have to deal with a myriad of things that “normal” people do not. That doesn’t mean we can’t make the disease work for us. I already see it in so many patients; people who have taken PH, and found a new cause, a new purpose, a new way of living that doesn’t restrict them. It empowers them to work for our community, and to work for a common cause. As patients in general go, we can do the same thing, but for our families, for our communities, and for ourselves. We don’t have to let PH define us, we can define it, and determine what this disease is to us. Is it the end of our world, or just a new chapter in our lives that we already have so much experience living? Is pulmonary hypertension a reason to curl up, or a reason to redefine ourselves and our purpose on this Earth? I think that it can be just that, a redefinition of not who we are, but what we are here to do.

Karen and Victoria play on the front porch. Life with PH
doesn't mean changing who we are, it just means altering
how we do things. Sometimes if a bike ride is not possible,
it's time to break out the bubbles for our family's
outdoor night.

I have learned so much about myself in the last year and how to live with pulmonary hypertension. This disease motivated me to throw my life into another gear, to do what I could with what I had and strive to make my world a better place to live. I used PH to start the conversation, and then to springboard from it into how we were going to make my town a better place to live. I took so much motivation from my fellow patients who have redefined themselves, and do not let this disease rule them, they rule it. We have to live with pulmonary hypertension, that is an unfortunate fact, but I believe we each can let PH rule us, or we can rule it. This last year, I learned how to not just live with PH, but how to make it work for me, how to use it, instead of letting it use me. I know one thing for certain, if I can do this, without realizing it, then there are so many more of you out there who can do this, too. We all need to find the exact path that works best for us. That is why I am fired up this November, because I have learned that I made my entire year an awareness event, without even trying. I may have lost my election (by 275 votes in a city of 15,000), but I feel I did so much more than just run a campaign, I feel I did so much more than learn to live with this disease; I learned how to redefine myself, I learned how to live my life in spite of PH, and I have learned that anything is still possible, we just have to learn for ourselves how to achieve it.