We are hope.

What does it mean to have pulmonary hypertension? I’m sure we all remember what it felt like when we were given our diagnosis. After weeks, or sometimes months of tests and doctors, as we sit in a small enclosed hospital room, we are finally told what is causing our shortness of breath, chest pain and fatigue. “You have pulmonary hypertension.” Well what the hell is that?!? I had never heard of this disease before, I had no idea what it was, or how much my life would change after that moment. Every day we are faced with challenges now, stairs seem to loom in front of us, we have to ask our friends to wait up at the mall, and maybe we are saying no to going out because we just don’t feel up to it. Floods of meds and new ways of life pour down over us, and we become nurses and experts in PH ourselves. We have to, and we all do so with the bravest faces.

So what does it REALLY mean to have pulmonary hypertension? Well, “Pulmonary hypertension is high blood pressure in the arteries of the lungs that can lead to heart failure.” Jeeze, how scary does that sound? And there are websites out there with wrong or out-dated information that are WAY scarier than that! But that still doesn’t explain what it means to have pulmonary hypertension. Having PH makes you a warrior, a rock amongst the waves. You are a strong individual, who despite being dealt a bad hand, has come through it and still finds a way to smile everyday for just being here. People will put you down, people will leave, and others will tell you there’s something wrong with you, that you are inadequate in some way. NO you aren’t. You are more than adequate. You are over-adequate. We put up with incredible struggles daily just doing regular things. I have some people approach me asking what my Flolan pump is, or what that plastic looking stuff is on my chest. I always explain it to them, as patiently as possible, (but it’s become a pretty monotone, emotionless statement). “I have pulmonary hypertension; it’s a rare incurable disease. I have extra tissue in my pulmonary arteries so my heart has to work super hard to pump out blood. I’ve got a permanent IV in my chest that delivers meds to me 24/7 and without it I might not be alive today.” Most people respond with “Wow, I don’t know how you go through all that… I could never do that.” I just smile and say thank you, I’m making it through. We are strong. We are much stronger than those who put us down, and we are plenty strong to kick this disease.

Hope is so important along with our strength. I know there was a time when I didn’t have hope, and it’s not a good place to be. Why act like you are dead when you aren’t, you know? We are amazing people, amazing young adults. Don’t forget that. We’re dealing with this illness in the prime of our lives. Some of us are just starting families, or just settling into careers, or starting school, excited for our future. We have all these dreams and ambitions, and then BAM, we have pulmonary hypertension. And that threatens to drain us of our dreams and goals…but we can’t let it, and we don’t. We keep on fighting, because we have hope, and we are strong! And look at us! Many of us have surpassed our “life expectancy” rates by quite a bit! This is incredible, and it only makes every moment of life better, every bit of food taste fuller, and every sunset more beautiful. So yeah, I know how much having PH sucks, just plain out SUCKS. But we should remember every day that there is hope, that we ARE the hope, and the strength, and that as PH warriors, we will get through this.