Importance of a PHriend

By Kiara Tatum

Relationships are very important for young adults. We rely on our friends for their advice and thoughts on what to wear out, who to date, should I or shouldn’t I buy this scenarios and was I at fault for the argument dilemmas. We also need our friends for getting through breakups, arguments with our parents or boy/girlfriend. We met these friends because we went to the same high school or college, attended the same church, grew up together, lived on the same block, or have mutual friends. You may like the same activities, same music, dress in a similar style and have similar values, but do they have a chronic illness called pulmonary hypertension like you? Do they know what it’s like to wake up and have a bad day and you can’t walk from your bedroom to the bathroom without resting? That you can’t go to the gym, go to the mall, go to the movies, nor do anything fun because it hurts to breathe? Do they understand that just because you don’t look sick and don’t always feel sick that you are sick with a rare and progressive disease? That’s where a Pulmonary Hypertension friend (PHriend) comes in.

There are some things that even a close friend just won’t understand about having a life-altering illness that shapes how you live. We don’t want our illness to define us, but it’s now a vital part of who we are. I can call my PHriend at 11:30pm and cry about how I wish I could go back to work, that I wish wasn’t sick, that I feel like a burden on my family or that I just want to be normal. My PHriend doesn’t have to ask questions like what PH is, what’s a 6-minute walk test, or what’s an echo? My PHriend would understand, has probably been there before, and can help me get through this low point. A PHriend is a great to have because you can have common interests besides PH. My PHriend and I have similar taste in music, are the same age, have to deal with family and relationship issues, and have similar values. We are there for each other at anytime to get through this illness together.

My best PHriend lives more than 1,000 miles away from me, so we can’t hang out every day. We rely on the phone and Internet to stay in contact. I like to hear her Southern accent, and she says I have a NY accent which I don’t hear. We met from a PHA focus group for young adults via conference call, and we been PHriends ever since. One day we will meet in person, but it doesn’t matter if we never do. We have been there for each other providing each other with strength, hope and love. She’s such a blessing in my life. Everyone needs at least one friend with pulmonary hypertension to help them through the low points and to share those high points that only a PHriend would understand.