By Kiara Tatum
Have you ever gotten so angry that you wanted to hit
something or throw something? Have you
ever been so mad that you gave a tongue-lashing to someone? Have you ever been so angry that your body
felt so hot? I’m sure I’m not the only
one who’s been there, but we have every right to feel angry. We have a chronic, incurable, life-threatening illness that has drastically changed our lives.
I get mad at people who just don’t get it; I’ve been mad at
someone for staring at me while I’m walking with my oxygen tank. I’ve been
angry at my mom when she asks me if I’m okay; I’ve been mad when I see another
medical bill I can’t pay. I get mad when
I can’t walk at the pace of other people; I get angry when I have to cancel
plans with friends. I get mad when I can’t focus. I get mad when I
don’t have any more spoons left; I get angry when I have to spend a day in bed. I get mad when I can't go to the club with friends. There
are probably more than a 1,000 things that cause me to get angry about my PH and how
it affects my life.
But behind that anger is sadness and depression, and I’m most angry with having PH and
my body. The pressures and frustration of having a chronic illness build up inside. It’s so hard to have an illness
where I can’t take an antibiotic to get rid of it in 10 days. I wake up and I’m still in the same body that
I fell asleep in the night before. I’m
still sick. I get frustrated when I know
that I used to be able to do something and I no longer can do it since my PH
symptoms started. I have PH. It hurts my soul, and I cry out
sometimes. But it’s okay to feel anger,
sadness, and hurt.
But just because we have PH, doesn’t give us a free pass to
explode on family, friends, or complete strangers. My sister once told me that it was hard to
live with me because she didn’t know how I was going to be from moment to
moment. It’s hard to deal with the
anger, so use some of the outlets available to us to deal with it such as
posting on the Generation Hope Google email group or Generation Hope: Young Adults with Pulmonary Hypertension Facebook page or share
at a local support group meeting. We can
also talk to a friend, family, or professional; write in a journal; pray; listen
to music; or punch a punching bag.
Continue to have hope and be positive.
Also, remember that we are not alone with this illness and anger. A cure is burning up!!!
